There are so many areas of parenting for which I would not consider myself an expert. I believe you identify with those areas that you have natural strengths in (your fortes, if you will) and then you find experts (or good friends that are experts) in the other areas. And believe me, there is always someone well- versed in one area or another! Know your lane…

I birth fun, happy, and confident kids. I have consistently done this four times so I would like to say this is my lane. Some of it might be luck, some of it might be perspective, but some of it is a linear approach I have followed with raising each child. My kids won’t have the cleanest rooms, they won’t have the best manners at the table, they won’t have the best organization skills, and often times they won’t have a lot of traits that are the “most” amongst their peers. Yet, what they may lack in some areas, they all possess deep and genuine happiness, intrinsic confidence, and positive perspectives that allow them to tap into a vibrant energy.

These traits being bestowed to my children dated back when I was a child, 40 plus years ago. My mom believed in one thing when in came to raising children; create happy and confident kids. There wasn’t anything I did that my mom didn’t think I was great at and she always made it an effort to tell me so. To her, I was the brightest, the most interesting, an all-star athlete….you get the drift…

I am not the best nor the only in any category, but what I did walk away with from my youth is the highest level of confidence and the steadfast ability to go after anything and everything I wanted to pursue. My mom went out of her way to install in me that I was capable of anything I set my mind to. Now, conversely, my dad was more of a realist which was also helpful in its own right, bringing me back down to reality, when necessary. I have taken these traits of confidence, happiness, and tenacity, and have passed/are passing them down to my children.

Here is what I can share that is transferable:

To all age children:
Tell your children they are great
Tell them early on what they are good at
Tell them they are smart
Show them how not to give up
Tell them there is always a way- show them these ways
Teach them resourcefulness from day 1, they are sponges
Do rose and thorn every single day. Give positive feedback around the rose. Talk through how they are processing through their thorn(s).

15-year-old skills instilled:
Make one of your main focuses to be how to go after everything they want
Teach how to strive to make the team they want to try out for. This entails a lot more than being the best: be the most vocal; be the most hardworking; develop a relationship with the coach.
Establish the know-how on how to achieve good grades. Be loud and present. Every teacher should know you. Show and share how much you care.
Do something hard every day
Do something new every day
Know you are capable of anything and give solid examples here
Make your child do something independently, where they don’t know anyone

12 year old skills instilled:
Start the day out by discussing one good thing that will happen that day
Hold a daily dance party, or some other group activity together
Say yes when you can
Say no when you need to, with an explanation as to why
Engage in activities your child is interested in. Example: watch dance competitions together on tv, make meals together in the kitchen, or go to the skate park together.
Tell them how insightful they are with an example
Compliment them on how great their hair looks, what an awesome smile they have, and/or how kind they were to a friend.
Make them do hard things. Examples: have them go up to a store clerk and ask a question. Find something difficult in a grocery store.
Teach then to self-advocate from day 1. You don’t like a grade, do something about it. Let’s strategize together, but you deliver it.
Show them how to sell. Being able to operate in the business world starts early. Teach negotiation, how to reach for what you want, teach them about knowing your skills and what sets you apart (do know- this backfires often because the girl can negotiate and advocate like not other).
Teach early on not to care what others think unless it’s an area you can improve upon. Lots of people can dislike things about you. Only care if it’s something that you don’t like about yourself.

3 year old skills instilled:
Start the day out by showing the ways in which they are smart and insightful. Whether it be insights about a past dream, a book you’re reading together when falling asleep or an adventure that happened at school.
Discuss how big they are and how great it is that they are growing.
Talk about their intrinsic talents
If applicable, showcase how he/she is a great big/younger sibling as well as areas of growth. Ie, we like how caring you are, but we’d like it if you could do a better job at sharing your toys.
Have heart=to-heart conversations about how much you love him/her.
Have them learn basic chores and how to implement them
Teach them basic cooking skills with ingredients that easy to reach, safe to work with, etc.
Bring them with you when you grocery shop and teach them the basics, allowing them to go down an isle and retrieve an item.

7 month old skills instilled:
Start the day out by showing the ways in which they are smart and capable. Example: Can they see if the lights are on or off?
Give examples of how to show kindness to their siblings
Talk about kindness to pets. Example: work on nice petting, approaching slowly.
Discuss what makes us happy such as milk, cuddling, and being with family
Talk about their strengths such as laughing, moving around a room, and fine motor skills
Showcase those things that can be improved upon. Example: better- tummy time, swimming, and napping

As a parent, we are continually afforded the opportunity to be better versions of ourselves by helping our children grow into wonderfully capable, kind, and generous humans. Individuals that love life, find joy in the world, and revere challenges as something to look forward to overcoming, rather than as a roadblock that sets them back. What a gift it is to be able to utilize the traits that we were instilled with as children, and build upon those through parenting, helping our children to navigate their own lane, one by one.