There was a Sex and the City episode many years ago about life’s buckets. The eventual conclusion was that they simply couldn’t all be filled up simultaneously, yet this concept of not ‘having it all, all at once’ remains something I’ve thought about for many years. In life, there are many buckets that complete one’s self, and I think most women would agree that having close, meaningful relationships with girlfriends, or a tribe, make up a big one. Relationships such as these help you throughout your lifetime, amid the myriad of trials and tribulations, elations and moments of celebration. The ups and the downs are equally important to the relationship as the longevity and depth, and help predict the strength of the friendship as a whole.
I was thinking about this as I headed to a girls’ night recently in San Francisco. It was actually a spontaneous get together as one of my dear friends was in town, so my girlfriends and I immediately leapt at the opportunity to spend a collective evening catching up. As we locked in the crew for the evening, the venue was also somewhat important. We wanted a lively and intimate scene. This can be hard to pull off on a weekday night, but we were committed.
We picked Mamanoko for sushi in the Marina District and it was the perfect pick. The six of us scored a beautiful window table and we immediately got cozy. The cocktail list was fabulous, though most of us just got a good mezcal or tequila.
Some of the women at the table have been my best friends since 1997, some 10 years plus, and one new friend that was quickly loved by all. We’d been brought together by high school, college, work, and some by the way of our kids. I can’t say enough about these deep friendships. These were the women I turned to when I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. These were the women that held my hand as I went through the tough decision of divorcing with young kids. These were the women by my side when I recently lost my mother. These friendships are predicated on the notion that nothing is too big or small, too deep or light, too intense or silly. These are the ride-or-die, speed dial friends.
As we are sitting down with our cocktails, we spend three hours laughing hysterically to stories, new and old. We lean into an evening where there is nothing hard that any of us are currently battling, yet we know well enough that there will be more of those unfortunate circumstances to come. But this night, we just lead with laughter, teasing, and lightheartedness.
Now what didn’t hurt were the fabulous cocktails flowing and beautiful dishes of food that kept appearing.
Back to this bucket. This bucket never waivers. These friends have been around for so many years and the depth of friendship and reliability of these ladies never ceases. This bucket is full. It’s overflowing, actually.
So here were my takeaways from the evening:
•You get back what you put into your friendships.
•The hard things will come and go, but the people surrounding you will stay relatively the same.
•The people that make you laugh the hardest can also be the people that know you the best and love you for all of the good and bad.
•These nights rekindle the soul.
•You have to put time into these friendships, they require nurturing and attention.
•Occasionally you need to go out and just laugh really hard.
As you finish this read, call your girlfriends, it goes much further than a text.
*The meal was so unforgettable that I have listed what we ordered below:
Cocktails:
Mrs. Roboto
La Pagoda
Appetizers:
Toro Cakes
Tuna Tataki
Miso Glazed Cod
Hot & Spicy Edame
Nigiri:
Hamachi
Toro
Loch Durat
House Rolls:
Kinobi
Citrus
Mamasan